Planning and Strategy
It’s Been 3 Weeks. Have you Given Up on Your New Year’s Resolutions Yet?
3 Mindset Tips to Strengthen your Efforts of Improving your Life
I’m tired of this cliché of failed new year resolutions, and I’m even more tired of sheepish grins from people who give up and misplaced bravado from people who “don’t make new year’s resolutions”.
At this point in our culture, we make resolutions automatically, even subconsciously. The temptation of a fresh start is too juicy to NOT try and make any change in your life. It’s just that so many people do it half-heartedly that failure has become a pervasive meme.
Well, fear not, dear sucker. Here’s a couple of things to make resolutions easier.
Why We Fail at Big Changes
We fail at big changes because we’re more interested in the finish line, and because the finish line looks so far away, we become demotivated and we give up.
I bought Persona 5 for the PS4 on Black Friday, 2019. It’s a lovely game, and there’s a lot to talk about in it — the beautiful art style, the enchanting music, the engaging storyline.
What you wouldn’t expect someone to talk about though is that if the protagonist gets a seat on the train to school, he has the choice to read a book.
Your cat companion Morgana will then tell you, “that was an efficient use of your time.”
I was really inspired by that, because I also take the subway to work. I’ve also wanted to improve my poor reading habits for a while.
Based on that, I started reading on the way to work in December. I did it a few times, and then made that habit a resolution in the new year. I get through 12–30 pages a trip, and funnily enough, I am currently reading Atomic Habits by James Clear.
But with reading 12–30 pages comes a deep dissatisfaction — a desire to read more. Today morning, after getting off the train, I thought, “I haven’t even reached halfway through this book yet. I should have finished by now.”
And then I immediately caught myself.
Why do I care about FINISHING the book? Do I want to read more, or do I want to get through and be done with it? Am I trying to learn more, or am I trying to prove my reading prowess?
Are your resolutions based on finishing things?
Too many desires are based on goals of finishing things — read 12 books, run a half-marathon, lose 10 kilograms.
We fail at big changes because we’re more interested in the finish line, and because the finish line looks so far away, we become demotivated and we give up.
Instead, when I set my mind to enjoy what I’m doing, I find myself making more progress. I have to consciously set my mind — by default, I go back to wanting to finish things.
Therein lies Mindset Tip #1: Don’t aim to finish things; set your mind to enjoy experiencing things.
Large Goals are for Large Groups
Having a vision is good — it gives you a sense of direction. But lofty goals fail on an individual level precisely because they feel like they’re too high a mountain to climb.
Businesses can afford to have a large goal, because management and employees are available to keep each other on track.
So we get Mindset Tip #2: if you want to achieve a lofty goal, do it with other people.
This, of course, assumes that those other people are getting something out of it. In a company, an employee gets paid. In your personal life, what does your accountability group get? Without answering that question, your accountability group will fail.
So, are small goals the way to go?
Pretty much. If you find yourself unable to enjoy experiences, you can think of them as small goals instead.
2 pages instead of 12 books. A good workout instead of 10 kgs. These are things you can achieve and feel good about.
The problem here is that you’ll get bored and impatient. You believe you deserve more accomplishments that are large and impressive. You bristle at the thought of mediocrity more than success or failure.
But you have to ask yourself — why do you deserve large and impressive accomplishments? What’s wrong with being happy with small things on a daily basis?
This goes back to me wondering why I haven’t finished the book. There is an element of needing to impress other people, which must change.
Mindset Tip #3: Work on believing that your goals are for you, not for others.
If you can get over our socially-mandated incessant need to show everyone how smart and strong and beautiful we are, your life will improve rapidly.
For parents, this is incredibly important. The pressure we put on ourselves to be socially lovable is doubled for our children. Children learn by imitation, and if children internalize the lesson that their purpose is to live and die by the approval of others (which sadly happens way too often), it sets them up for a needlessly difficult life.
Final Thoughts
- Tip #1: Don’t aim to finish things; set your mind to enjoy experiencing things.
- Tip #2: if you want to achieve a lofty goal, do it with other people.
- Tip #3: Work on believing that your goals are for you, not for others.
There are well over a hundred tips and tricks that you could use to help you with habit development — but unless something is easy and effective, it will only hold you back.
I don’t want you to get caught up in keeping track of 10 cues on a daily basis — it won’t work. Instead, correcting some basic assumptions will go much further. Remember that without the desire for change and the ability to keep trying, all of this is useless.
It’s been three weeks. Don’t give up on your resolutions yet.
